“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.” Psalm 27:10
Hehe heyyy:) Welcome to another post! I’m so happy you’re here! Today’s topic hits really close to home for me and is honestly a little personal. However, I agreed to be transparent with my audience, so sharing is the only option! My home life was not the brightest, and being capable to continue to thrive under that roof was impossible. Though the sequence of events took place around four or five months ago, unfortunately they still replay in my mind and dreams. I try not to think about it unless I’m in the gym haha, because it DOES give me motivation! BUT when I’ll be doing some random thing, it’ll pop up in my head and make me a little emotional. Today, since we are close to Mother’s Day, I want to open up a little on how you can cope with losing your relationship with your parents, and why you should NOT feel guilty about the situation.
MY WHOLE LIFE I have felt like a burden. I felt like I was sooo high maintenance, and I felt as if I was a lot to handle. In saying this, my family knew I was like this from BIRTH. Constantly apologizing, constantly asking if I’m annoying them, constantly getting reassurance for my insecurities. In the beginning, I told myself it was MY FAULT they treated me with extreme disrespect and disregard. I told myself it was MY FAULT I was locked up in the house and could not go anywhere. In reality, though, NO PARENT should make their kid feel invisible, and when seen, gut-wrenching. The way they talked about me to others would soil my heart, explaining that I was, “Charming but manipulative.” Anytime someone would bring a light to my name, they would put it RIGHT out.
Where I am getting at with this, is my parents very much gave up on me. Completely. They may have “Tried to reach out”, but their version of doing so was criticizing me all over again, just as they did back home. Is it so hard to ask your kid how well their day was? Is it so hard to be supportive and loving? Apparently it is. Being 18 now, I am allowed to cut my contact off with no repercussions, so I blocked the both of them. This is helping me quite a bit, just because it relieves me from their toxic, negative comments and texts. In the meantime, I am THRIVING. I have a new family. This is bold to express, but this is a part of my story.
Do you feel like you have to constantly hide in your bedroom so you don’t have to talk to your parents? Are you still being ridiculed for things you did 3 years ago? Are you feeling utterly controlled and picked apart? That’s what I felt like, and I recommend you get out of that as soon as humanly possible. If you can’t, know you are not alone in this situation, and God has GOT YOU. Even if it feels like you won’t get through it, you can! I felt so trapped in a bubble of hate and emotional abuse, and honestly I did not think I could get through it. With a lot of prayers and some generous helping hands, the Lord has given me a new home with unfailing love. He will deliver you to where you’re meant to be if you just give him some patience.
I currently have no relationship with either of my parents, but if you do, CHERISH IT! The people who are constantly giving you praise, love, and support, deserve the same! But, if your relationships are absent like mine, you are not AT ALL abandoned! We have a forgiving, loving father with us 25/8, and this is more than enough. His love is not manipulative, his love is unfailing, his love is PURE. This weekend I encourage you to celebrate if you’ve got that support group, and if not, celebrate the amazing God above for being your perfect parent. Thank you so much for tapping into my personal past with me, and I hope you got something out of it. See you next week, and happy Mother’s Day!
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